2000 Ways to Impress Girls
by nocturnaltibet
Summary: Jerome Clarke wants to win over the girl of his dreams. He's stumped, until he comes across a very odd book "2000 Ways to Impress Girls" will this book be helpful in winning him her affection or only lead to disappointment? Jara!


** Here is just a random fan fiction idea I had for Jara. I hope you enjoy it. **

** Disclaimer: I do not own House of Anubis or any of it characters, I just enjoy them. **

**2000 Ways to Impress a Girl**

I have never felt this way about a girl before. I am in love with Mara Jaffrey. There is only one problem: HER BOYFRIEND. That is why I am in the bookstore on a Saturday afternoon, looking for a book that might help me get the girl I alike away from a meathead jock. Unfortunately, they don't exactly have that particular book.

"2000 Ways to Impress a Girl" by some guy who's name I won't even attempt to pronounce. It's a bright orange book with red-orange font on the front cover. It's a bit hard to miss. I read the summary on the back.

"Is there a girl you like that you just can't seem to win over? Here are 2000 guaranteed ways to steal her heart."

That sounds promising. I find a comfy armchair near the window and open the book to a random page. Since there are 2000 ways why should I start at number one?

"Number 102, Take her to the zoo. Girls like animals. Take your girl to the zoo to show her that you like animals too. She will fall madly in love with you before you reach the primate sanctuary."

I turn the book over £23 for this rubbish?

"Number 1490, buy her something. Give that apple of your eye something to behold. A gift is a gesture of your love. The more it cost the more you love her. She will never be able to resist you."

Did Alfie write this book? There has to be something useful in here. Let me go back a few pages.

"Number 985, Get a horse." How is that supposed to help?

"Women love horses. Horses symbolize strength and power. All the heroes of legend rode trusted mounts. Buy a horse and you will be her knight."

I refuse to believe this book was on the Best Seller's list. Best selling what? Best Selling List of Sexist Hokum?

"Number 23, buy a guitar. No girl can resist a man who can play guitar. Get yourself a guitar and be her rock star, she might just turn into your groupie."

"Number 2, Grow your hair out. A lady loves to have something to hold on to when they kiss you. Women judge a man's worth by how long, curly, or flowy his hair is. So get yourself some extensions and the women will flock to you like sheep."

Really? I could get better advice from Victor. I put the useless book on its shelf. Something in the classics section catches my eye. _Peter Pan._ Mara loves _Peter Pan_. I purchase that book along with _Perks of Being a Wallflower _for Mara, and _the Hobbit _for myself. Maybe coming into this store wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Back at Anubis House I go straight upstairs to Mara's room. I don't bother knocking. When I turn the knob, I see Mara sitting on her bed staring off into space with a vacant expression on her face.

"Oh hey, Jerome, now's not a good a good time, I just had a fight with Mick."

To keep from feeling like my birthday had come early I think of something sad, _the Great Depression_. I compose myself and try to sound casual when I ask, "What happened?"

"Mick bought me this bracelet with sapphires around a little diamond heart. He knows I am not a fan of flashy jewelry or empty gestures. He said it was really expensive," Mara showed me the bracelet. It was stunning and would have looked beautiful on Mara's wrist, I have to admit.

"It's quite a gift," I say.

"You know what he told me? He told me that the cost of the gift was equivalent to his love for me."

That sounded disgustingly familiar. I have to bite my lips to keep from smiling. _Oh, Mick, shame on you, _I think. "Where did he come up with that?"

"He said he read it in a book," Mara says.

She gets up and paces the room. I smirk when she turns her back.

"Mick can read?" I ask.

Mara gives me an icy glare. I turn into a block of ice. So that means I'm not allowed to make fun of Mick duly noted.

"It's the most insulting book ever. It's called '2000 Ways to Impress Girls' or something like that.

I burst out laughing.

"It's not funny," Mara says.

Not even her anger can stop a smile from spreading across her face. I stop laughing to stare at her. I forgot how pretty she is when she's smiling. Mara stopped laughing and remembered that she was mad.

This really did upset her. How could Mick take anything in that book seriously? He put a price on his relationship with Mara. She was priceless, a rare gem. She was worth more than anything money could buy.

"I have a gift for you," I tell her.

It may not be the best time to give gifts, but if not now then I probably won't ever give it to her. I take _the Hobbit _out and hand the bag to her.

"_Peter Pan_. This is my favorite book. I used to have a copy before our house fire destroyed it. How did you know I love this book?" Mara asked.

She had tears in her eyes. Normally, I would have felt bad for making her cry, only this time they were tears of joy, at least I hoped. I looked her in the face; a single tear runs down her cheek.

"You told me once. It was our first day in Anubis House. You were upset. You said the night before you left there was a fire at your house. You had left a candle burning in your room and fell asleep reading. Your room caught on fire, some of your things were damaged your most cherished possession:_ Peter Pan_ was destroyed. It was your favorite book."

Mara is quiet. She looks me in the eyes. I can't tell what she's thinking.

"Jerome Clarke, this is the sweetest gift anyone has ever given me. Thank you," Mara says. She has to stand on the tips of her toes to peck me a kiss on the cheek. Goose pimples manifest on my arms and legs as my stomach ties itself in knots.

"Y-you're welcome," I say, blushing.

"I have never read the other book before, but I promise I will. This is so sweet," Mara hugs me. I want to hug her back but I seem to have lost the ability to move.

I smile in triumph when she releases me. As I descend the stairs I curse Mick for that stupid book. Ironically, if it wasn't for that book I would never have remembered that _Peter Pan _is Mara's favorite book.

"2000 Ways to Impress Girls" I guess you weren't so useless after all.

"Number 2000, use your heart. Your heart is the doorway to your love, open up and let her in."


End file.
